Police searching for Kobold Press social media manager after “obscene” Thirst Tweet
Police are asking for anyone to provide information on the whereabouts of the social media manager of the Kobold Press publishing company. In a press conference hosted by spokesman Captain Volodymyr Hryshchenko, he said, “On April 19th, at two in the afternoon, the Kobold Press X account quote xeeted a picture of a giant worm with faces on tentacles accompanied by the caption “Hear me out…” followed by the glancing sideways eyes emoji. If you have any information of where this sick individual might be, then we would greatly appreciate it.”
The Kobold Press Twitter account has continued to post, trying to say that they were implying that the miniature could be used in a future D&D Session. “The accusations that I was trying to manufacture a Dune popcorn bucket situation is completely unfounded. There is no immediate sign that there is any way to successfully use the aforementioned worm in a suggestive manner, unless you had the kind of money to have it modeled and then 3D-printed. I was absolutely not expressing any attraction to the worm or whatever lewd acts could be conducted with its assistance.”
Captain Hryshchenko says the social media manager’s defenses are untenable. “Listen, anyone is allowed to be attracted to whatever they want to be in the privacy of their own home. But their statement clearly implies that the spined pustules and copious amount of teeth on the Demon Lord Qorgeth could potentially be used for sexual gratification. The fact that it has a flared base is just the cherry on top. If it were to be 3D-printed, likely at any number of affordable websites, you would have to figure out a decent antibacterial routine to clean up afterwards. Whatever the case may be, we want Kobold Press’s media manager to know that we will find them, and there will be consequences for their online actions.”
