Drow OPINION: Necromancy is More Ethical than Slavery (and cheaper)
By Jhanbrina, Firstdaughter of House Mizzrym
Mothers and sisters of Menzoberranzan, please restrain yourselves from attempting to assassinate me when I propose that we abolish slavery in the Underdark. I understand your distaste at my suggestion, but I believe that I can prove that slavery is a blight on our society, even as it appears to be the very thing that keeps it moving. Slavery is an outdated practice that should be rooted out of our great domain. In its place, I put forward necromancy as an alternative that is superior in in every way.
Necromancy offers us the ease of slavery, without the moral or financial cost. The undead have no need to consume, as long as they are created with the proper spells. They similarly need no housing, clothing, or any other amenities that slaves might clamor for. Other proper necromantic techniques will also mean that the bodies of those who are raised are completely detached from their souls, allowing for the immortal being to be unburdened by its mortal flesh. And should we need to increase the roster of our workforce, we can simply murder more beings to bolster our ranks.
I can already hear the many disagreements at the tips of my sisters’ tongues, and I have considered them. Chief among them is likely our devotion to Lolth and her dreadful desires. I admit, I have spent many years considering the reprisal she would inflict upon our people should we end our malicious ways. However, I believe a compromise can be made. With less time putting down slave rebellions, we shall be free to turn our sights outward and conquer the lands beyond our borders. I can think of nothing more economical than a war to strengthen the might of our undead hordes. And as for the suffering to be inflicted, well, I believe that Lolth will be more than satisfied at the havoc we are able to wreak as our enemies’ loved ones turn against them.
2 Comments
I am aware that all of the following is me taking a joke too seriously. Won’t stop me from typing it up.
So funny thing: In 5E, undead-labor isn’t economically viable on a large scale: Zombies require constant resources from their maker to reassert control every day, and if a day is missed, that control is lost forever. An unskilled laborer is 2SP/8 hour workday, and a theoretical level 7 Necromancer can have a horde size of up to 20. (21, but that last one is so inefficient due to how Animate Dead works.) This means that a level 7 Wizard pumping all their resources into an undead horde is the equivalent of 4GP of labor a day.
And for what: Zombies are pretty shit. They aren’t even immune to exhaustion, meaning they require downtime even if said downtime isn’t sleep. Now they have 13 Strength and 16 Con which means they can do stuff like push a cart pretty decently, but they have only 6 Dex which means any physically complex task will be hilariously inept, and 3 Int, which means they cannot handle complex instructions and require direct supervision for all tasks.
Now compare this to a cow: A cow has 18 strength, 14 con, doesn’t require wages, produces fertilizer, produces cows, produces milk, and can be liquidated into meat/leather. If you want something that only requires strength, a cow beats a zombie by far.
What you’re telling me is that the wizard who is able to devise a cheap Dominate Ungulate spell could invade the Underdark.