Wizards of the Coast plans to Replace Customers with AI

Wizards of the Coast announced that it intended to fully embrace artificial intelligence, even to the extent of replacing their entire customer base. “We’ve approached the possibility of AI Dungeon Masters, tried to float out some AI generated artwork, but we realized we were thinking too small,” said Rob Gorman, spokesperson for the company. “Starting next quarter, Dungeons & Dragons will be removed from physical and digital storefronts as we replace all of our user base with machine learning models trained on decades of forum comments.”

The most recent uproar of D&D Beyond users over content control prompted this drastic move. “At a certain point, we know what kind of pushback we’re going to get as we do what’s necessary for the brand, and the most recent outburst is sure to provide plenty of data for the AI to be trained away from.” Gorman says they hope the move to an artificial market will allow for virtually limitless growth. “We’re at the edge of the newest frontier, where we’ll be able to be the first company to write, illustrate, market, and play the world’s most popular roleplaying game, all without ever being sullied by mortal hands.”

Wizards of the Coasts say they hope their foray into artificial earnings can be expanded to Magic: the Gathering, but they are being cautious in their optimism. “We’ve managed to cultivate a base of users that are willing to spend hundreds of dollars on cardboard with different colors and shininess. While we would love to transition to a fully artificial system, we’re already so close that we don’t want to upset that precious ecosystem.”