Dungeon Master able to enjoy D&D Movie after Stick Removed from Ass

Doctors report that Manhattan, Kansas, Dungeon Master Leif Nelson has successfully undergone surgery to remove the stick in his ass in order to have a good time at the Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves movie. After the grueling eight hour procedure, doctors believe Nelson will be able to engage with any D&D-related property without getting super pissy about how well the rules are being followed. “We’re proud of the work done we’ve done at Ascension Via Christi Hospital, and hope that Mr. Nelson will find a new joy in life, as well as his movie-going experience. We also hope that this has helped Mr. Nelson to loosen up a bit. Dr. Gutierrez almost lost a finger up in there.”

When we asked Nelson why he felt the need to undergo this procedure when the movie was apparently getting quite good reviews, he said that only made the situation more dire. “As soon as I saw the Rotten Tomatoes critics and audience scores were both in the 90s, I knew that my expectations would be too high, no matter how good the movie turned out to be. Removing this stick from my ass is something I’ve been considering for a while. All it took was the power of Chris Pine’s charm and my fiancée’s desire for a date night. I’m fairly certain those two details are unrelated.”

Nelson reports that while rectal stick removal is normally considered an elective procedure, he hopes that he will be able to argue his case for it to be covered under his insurance. “They’re saying that the stick was an object that I put there willingly, and was able to live with for years. But I would argue that it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a foreign body. Will I put it back in? Probably. But I’ll wait until after my weekly game so I won’t complain about how I would have run the camp- I mean, directed the movie.”