OPINION: I Can Tame Him

By Rashmiya Malsari, halfling ranger

Aw, would you look at him? We should totally tame him! Can you imagine if we had something like him hanging out with us? I could ride him, or he could act as a guard dog. Guard beast. Guard thing? Whatever he is, I think I can tame him, and that we totally should. I’ll feed him, water him, roll all of his animal handling checks, the works. And we’re constantly on the move, so we don’t even have to worry about taking him on walks. I promise that you guys won’t have to do anything, other than help me figure out a way to sneak him into towns and cities.

I’m aware that initiative has already been rolled, and that several of you have already attacked with deadly intent, but I think that we can still pull this one out. I’m fairly certain that when this is all over, we’ll laugh about how we almost killed each other. Look how wide his mouth is, he’s smiling! I’m sure it has nothing to do with the huge bite he just took out of you. Well, you should have thought about that before you took a swing at him. On my turn, I’m going to smile right back at him, and hold my hand out for him to sniff.

Really, we’re the aggressors here. This is his cave, and obviously he brought this meal back to snack on him. And it’s not like killing him will bring that farmer back. Once I’ve got him domesticated, I’ll be sure that he’s just out hunting animals. Though to be fair, we fight plenty of people, and having this little guy around to get rid of the evidence could be pretty handy, am I right? I say we give him a little treat, tell the village that we “got rid of the problem,” and walk off richer in gold and friendship.