OPINION: I Will Kill a Thousand Humans Before I Cut Down a Tree

By Eluriah Galanodel, an elven druid

I truly can’t believe we have to go over this once again. As a druid, I believe all life is sacred. That is why I will kill any and all loggers, hunters, or trappers who may enter the woods to despoil it. The damage against Mother Nature that will be avenged and averted thanks to snuffing out these marauders’ lives will more than balance the books.

If we had my way, we never would have taken this job. Circuses are on thin ice, even if the dungeon master went out of her way to show that the elephant was well cared for when I raised my concerns. But the fact that their tiger went “missing” right next to this forest is very suspicious if you ask me. If they treat their animals so well, why are they running away? My familiar never runs away, because I give it nice treats. It also helps that the DM doesn’t target him or include him in AoE damage, but that’s just a given.

And of course the issue at hand is that I will not stand by as we cut down this tree in order to cross the canyon. The DM is very aware of my standards. If she really wanted us to cross over this precipice, she would have provided a woodcutter doing such a thing, allow me to kill him for his infraction, and then we could cross over without an issue. You know what, as a compromise, I will stop killing humans who give off hunter-vibes, and instead wait until they have clearly committed a crime against nature. While we wait for the DM to figure out some other way to engage us, I think we should go out and forage a bit. Gathering mushrooms, while visually similar to chopping down trees, is morally distinct.